My anger emotional level has been very high since I was a very small child. From what I went through as a child I firmly believe students shoud be taught anger management in the classroom. I also believe every teacher should have an anger management certificate.

I’m now going to be 61 in a few months and I still have freaking anger management issues. However I have a lot to be angry about. Unwanted by your mother, molested, beaten and abused gives you plenty to be angry about.

This might not be particularly interesting to you but I’m very afraid of my own rage. Not so much of my anger but at the low to upper stages I’m in control of it. There are a couple of stages where I’m not but I seldom go there because of the high danger of them leading to rage.

I’ve so far been unable to control any of my anger or irritation. I used to say smoking too but it seems I can control that now. I quit a few days ago for the thousandth time and so far am doing pretty good. However it doesn’t help my temper. Duh!

Lets get back to the controlling of my temper. By controlling it I mean keeping myself from getting irritated or angry about things that aren’t within my control. Oh hell, Stopping and and all of the angry or irratteted feelings before they get into control.

I don’t like to be angry. I don’t like the feelings. I don’t like the way I act when I’m angry. I don’t like anything to do with it. Hmm, I do seem to be in much better control of it than I thought. It’s been a long time since I lost my temper at anything. Things that used to upset me don’t seem to bother me now, as much as they used to. I can even ignore some of them.

Heh, I know I’ve used my anger to keep people away from me. I’ve even faked anger, frequently, to get rid of idiots who were bothering me. When people don’t understand ‘No’ I tend to get angry. Keeping people away from me is one way of managing how much anger I have. It keeps me from being bothered by ‘normal’ stupidity.

I don’t sufer fools gladly and somedays almost everyone seems to be a fool. Argh, it’s why we have cash registers that tell you the correct change. That little thing enabled any idiot to run a cash register. You no longer have to have a few brain cells to do it.

When I get to involved with a woman, to close in a relationship that I seem to really want, I use anger to push them away. I know I do it and yet I continue to do it. Sometimes the girl and I both have the same problem. I ran into one girl who explained herself that way to me and I understood because I was the same way.

We vowed to never give up on each other and we tried really hard. After to many emotional hurts we stopped trying. Sorta. We don’t see each other or speak but we both still know we want the other. We smile and wink at ech other, we watch each other on the sly when in the same places. Maybe we’re just waiting for one or the other of us to grow up.

So anger costs me a few possible frineds, I don’t care. I can have all the friends I want whenever I want them. Or at least people who want to be able to call themsleves my friend. Don’t need them so I don’t care. They’ll always be just acquaintneances I try to be socially decent to. Being my friend takes years of meeting my expectations. It happens rarely.

What makes me the angriest with my own anger and inability to control it is the loss of two different relationships. That’s the piece I really want to control. There would be more but until the first one I didn’t allow feelings anyway so I’ve probably blown more for the same reason but I didn’t care.

If I did care no one was allowed to see it. I felt caring was a weakness. It’s a particular weakness that others can exploit and that just can’t be allowed to happen. So I didn’t let it. No one ever knew I had a vulnerable side until the first girl a few years ago. Nor did anyone know she had one either. Now there’s a recipe for disaster.

Anger and the problems it can cause can really mess up your life. It did mine. Don’t let your anger mess up your life. Get some help with it and you’ll be much happier and calmer.