Anger is a natural emotion that we use as a coping mechanism when we are unable to articulate the true meaning of how we feel. It is almost always the secondary emotion that we are experiencing. When people begin to feel enraged it usually due to a primary emotion that they have not taken time to identify. Let’s look at the case of the man who flew his private jet into the IRS building in 2009. There were many precipitating factors that led to that event taking place.
The man was unable to support his family, he was on a fixed income and then the IRS came and wiped out his saving account because he ‘owed’ them money. That man had every right to become angry. However it was mismanaged. He was feeling many primary emotions, such as inadequacy, hopelessness, stress, defensive and worried. If he would have had the skills and coping mechanisms to deal with these emotions before getting to the point of rage- he possibly would still be alive today.
Effective management of your emotions can save you a lot of trouble and will be more beneficial to your emotional well-being. Here are 3 major major tips to manage your anger.
1) Reflect on your thought process. Its called Self-Talk. Many times we make a mountain out of a mole hill in our minds. We make the situations so much bigger than what is actually taking place. If you are able to catch those thoughts that are feeding you negative images and ideas- you are already addressing the issue before it starts.
2) Are you a good listener? This is a great question because if you cannot listen effectively then you will not be able to communicate effectively. Have you ever played the telephone game? It is a great tool to use to demonstrate how a message can be misinterpreted when the true message is misunderstood. Too many times we react in the wrong way – because we misunderstood someone’s statement. In order to listen you have to keep your mouth shut. It may be hard, but the moment you start talking you stop listening.
3) Assess the costs! Before responding to someone who is causing you to be angry- look at what it will cost you. Is it worth it? Are you willing to take that road? There are many ways in which you can react. However if you think about the consequences before you behave, you will save yourself from bigger problems. Simple message: Think before you act.
This doesn’t happen overnight. There is no quick fix. It takes daily practice. The more you practice- the better of a listener and thinker you will become. The more you stop and think, it will begin to become a habit.
Jessica Bullock is an author, speaker, counselor and minister of dance. She graduated from Montclair State University with her B.A. in Family & Child Studies. She then attended Seton Hall University in and graduated in May of 2003 with her M.A. in Marriage & Family Therapy. She is also licensed as an Alcohol and Drug Counselor and has a private practice located in Plainfield, New Jersey. Visit http://www.lifeoptionscounseling.org
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