Anger Management – Poker Style
By Anthony Crocamo
Your should not have said that moments may be momentarily satisfying (it’s OK to admit it) but they are always counterproductive and must be avoided. Here’s how.
Be angry, but don’t act angrily
It is OK to be angry. Anger is just a feeling, a spontaneous response to external stimuli. Because feelings are spontaneous, they are pre-will. If they are pre-will or involuntary, anger, or any other feeling, is not right or wrong. While how we feel is not right or wrong, what we decide to say or do when angry can be very, very wrong.
In my experience, the best leaders in a firm are those who are able to control their anger by not reacting to it. Sure they become angry, but they don’t give into it and allow that anger to take over. How do they do that? They carefully, deliberately, and purposely don’t react.
Play your cards right
It’s like playing poker. There’s the tradition of keeping a poker face — don’t telegraph whether you have a great hand or poor hand. At work, take the information in, don’t telegraph your response, don’t react.
Think and then think again. That old saw of counting to ten before responding, the grand-daddy of all anger management advice, really does help, as does taking deep breathes.
Isn’t it impressive when co-workers or members of management receive bad news and are able to maintain their composure and begin to work on addressing the issue? Who would you rather work with, someone who bangs on the table and screams when upset or someone who can rationally address the problem?
Which side of that ledger do co-workers and bosses place you?
Easy does it
To control your anger, think about your hot buttons; what starts the anger launch sequence for you? Prepare for or avoid those situations. If you are going to a meeting that you expect to be difficult, promise yourself you won’t react immediately to anything upsetting. During my career, I have never regretted keeping a poker face when angry, and I guarantee you won’t either.
Tony Crocamo is the Manager of Corporate Marketing for Buchart Horn, Inc. (http://bh-ba.com) a full service international engineering and architectural firm specializing in Transportation, Facilities, and Environmental design.
Tony has more than 20 years experience in the planning, preparation, and participation in public meetings, conferences, and seminars on behalf of engineering and architectural firms, as well as civic, charitable, and professional groups. If you’d like to put Tony’s decades of communication experience to work for you, contact him at: http://TheSpeakerSpot.com
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