Author: Alex Mackay
Lets face it, we all get angry from time to time. In fact when we look around at the world we can see that anger is a pretty common emotion. Any walk down a high street in a busy town centre reveals people losing it in cars, or parents getting mad with their kids.
The fact is that anger is part of the human condition. However, we tend to associate anger as being among the negative emotion set. This is not strictly true, for anger comes in more than one form. Anger can actually be a great motivator and drive you on to achieve things. If you have ever been put down by someone, and felt that hot flush feeling in your cheeks, you will know what I am talking about here.
Anger can make people stand up for what they believe in, and for others. It is anger that led to the civil rights movement, the emancipation of women and many other noble causes.
Remember that dealing with anger does not entail becoming a placid individual. We need to distinguish the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. We looked at healthy anger just now so let’s turn to unhealthy anger.
This form of anger is typified by rage and hate in response to the mildest of provocation. Possessing anger on this level is immensely difficult. It can make forming relationships impossible, and cause breakdowns in current ones. Many people who end up in prison for violent acts are there from an inability to control their emotional response to a trigger.
On a physical level this negative form of anger manifests itself in various ways. You may suffer from anxiety and stress. It is also likely that you will feel uncomfortable in the company of others. Individuals who get angry all the time often do so at other people, for that reason they often find themselves feeling isolated and cut off from others. Being this type of angry is a pretty unpleasant experience for all involved.
You may recognise some of the characteristics of this particular form of anger. These include insisting that others do not insult or ridicule you. Another tell tale sign that you have unhealthy anger issues is if you are the sort of person who places very rigid demands and rules about the behaviour of others. Your personality will tend to be domineering and over powering towards others.
A person with anger issues typically expects total conformity to their will, yet will not regard their own behaviour as unreasonable. This type of anger typically results in physical attacks towards other, but that is not all. Scheming, plotting, taking revenge, manipulating others, are all associated with people with anger issues.
Warning signals include a raised heart beat and muscular tension in the shoulders and neck. It is often a feeling that overwhelms the individual to the point that it consumes them.
In order to overcome this type of anger you are going to have to be serious about changing your outlook on the world. Anger, as with any emotion, is underpinned by your attitudes and belief systems. It is not good enough to just say you want to be less angry about things. With that in mind let’s think for a moment about the type of negative thoughts that belong to someone with severe anger issues.
Do you find yourself thinking: “I will get what I want and whenever I want it”, or “The world must not ever be unfair especially to me?” It is important to reshape the attitudes and beliefs you have to accommodate the world around you, instead of being just for yourself.
Ask yourself what type of person is it that you want to be. Happy, successful and emotionally healthy individuals are typically tolerant and accepting of others. They understand the complexities of the world around them and shift and adapt accordingly.
Emotionally healthy individuals are shaped from healthy attitudes. They understand that life can be hard and annoying, sometimes despite our best efforts to prevent it. The higher functioning person looks at life in a way that is philosophical and reflective, instead of dwelling or getting morose. Explaining your anger is the easy part, changing it requires self-discipline and will power. Once you have agreed on your new attitudes it is important to act in accordance with them.
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