Everyone experiences anger from time to time, and it is perfectly normal to lose your temper occasionally but when you depend on anger as a means of expressing yourself and use it as a weapon to get your way, then it becomes a problem. If everything irritates you and even small things regularly make you angry, or if you get offended over little things as if they were done to you on purpose, or if you feel you are always criticized and feel offended and angry, then you have an anger problem.
More often than not, anger is the result of the frustration of not being heard. Instead of listening, many people especially married couples spend more time yelling which violates personal boundaries and creating an air of threat. Uncontrolled outburst of anger can be destructive to the target and also to the angry person, not only because it takes a heavy toll on the emotional and physical health but it destroys relationships.
Many people were brought up thinking that it is dangerous and unacceptable to express anger, and it should not be tolerated because angry people are capable of great violence. Many people were raised to believe that expressing anger is mean and wrong and we have no right to get angry because it makes us a bad person, and since it is unacceptable we deserve to be rejected by others. Married couples are also made to believe that to be happily married they should never get angry. People ultimately learn to distrust anger and bottle it up, ignore it or use it in indirect ways.
Conversely, anger is also important for self-preservation and self-defense instincts and it is healthy if firmly expressed in a controlled manner.
Anger should not be used to annihilate other people because it is not a sign of strength but rather as a way to clear the air and bring people closer together.
There are anger management classes and activities designed to help individuals practice techniques that bring their anger under control, promote quality relationships, and be socially effective. Sudden and violent outbursts of rage can be prevented if you learn how to best express your disappointment without yelling and yet be firm, assertive and respectful of other people’s boundaries. Remember that everyone is able to listen and tolerate complaints if they are expressed in terms that are not threatening.
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