10 Ways to Avoid Holiday Rage
By Ruth King
Some of us greet the holidays with grand anticipation while others feel utter dread. At a minimum, we feel a bit of both. Whether we like it or not, chances are, throughout the holidays, you are likely to be around more family than usual. Family can trigger us like no one or nothing else. Why? Because we love them! And, because we love them, they can touch us deeply. Sometimes this touch is warm and welcoming. We can relax because we are seen and we can be ourselves.
Other times it’s harming, even enraging, and our thoughts and feelings tie us up in knots. The good news is that we can avoid holiday rage by taking responsibility for how we feel and move closer to an experience of joy, which is the point of this magical time. Consider the following my gifts to you during the holiday season, and let me know how it goes:
1. Be your own best gift. Spend quiet time with yourself. Start with 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes just before you go to bed. Reflect on what you are grateful for, and what you feel good about.
2. Do not over do-over commit, over spend, over eat, over stay, over drink, etc. Overdoing is dishonest, and it builds resentment and self-betrayal.
3. Be HERE & NOW! Let go of any fixed ideas or expectations you may have of family and friends. Instead relate to every one as if you were meeting them for the very first time. Imagine interacting with them as if you had no memory!
4. Be true to yourself. Do things you want to do and say things you mean to say.
5. Reach out when you feel lonely and ask for help when you need it.
6. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to! Put space around your worries by taking a few deep breaths. Say: This is not personal or permanent. Become amused by what disturbs you!
7. When triggered, become more curious than critical. Seek to understand the bigger story, not the small one you may be holding. If you must speak, share how you feel without making anyone wrong.
8. Keep it Human! See the full person, not just the part you dislike in the moment. Allow yourself to be touched by their humanness, not just disturbed by their behavior.
9. Treasure Everyone! Tell others what you treasure about them without expecting anything in return.
10. Give the gift of kindness! Give your time, attention, and expressions of gratitude in place of purchasing gifts.
Happy Holidays!
Ruth King, MA, is a respected voice on emotional wisdom and individual and team development. She is the author of Healing Rage-Women Making Inner Peace Possible, an O Magazine Nugget. As a coach and consultant, King weaves Eastern philosophy, Western psychology, leadership development, metaphysics, and teachings from wisdom traditions to lecture, coach, and facilitate workshops that transform the emotional body and mind. To learn more about how to transform negative emotions into positive fuel, visit http://ruthking.net.
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