A lady named [...]]]> I studied psychology in college and had a great professor who tried to introduce us to as many real world situations as possible. He made it a point to invite guest speakers on a regular basis that would share their experiences with a mental health disorder they had or trauma they had experienced.

A lady named Sheryl came in and spoke to us at great length about her experience with verbal and emotional abuse, and how it affected her. She said that her husband never actually harmed her physically, but said the psychological abuse she suffered was almost unbearable and added that it took her a long time to recover.

She told us that when she and her husband first met, he was charming and respectful towards her, and she thought that she was getting the perfect man. A few months into their relationship, however, she soon realized that the comments she had once taken as being sarcastic were actually belittling and degrading to her.

She said she felt like she was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse but was not completely sure, and when she told him about it, he laughed at her and told her she was being too sensitive. She said she initially just tried to let it go, but as time went by, she felt worse and worse.

This went on for years, and she gradually started to experience the symptoms of depression. She would even feel anxiety attacks when she knew that he was coming home from work. She said the verbal and emotional abuse took such a severe toll on her that she felt as if she had absolutely no self-esteem left whatsoever.

She said she finally got the courage to leave him when her brother came to visit them for a week, got to see first hand the verbal and emotional abuse to which she was being subjected, and basically insisted that she leave her husband and never return. She said her brother and now ex-husband almost came to blows over the treatment of his sister.

The years of verbal abuse took their toll on Sheryl, and she said it took a long time and lots of therapy before she got any of her self-worth back. She told us that on numerous occasions her ex-husband called trying to get her back, but after she would refuse, he would start putting her down again and telling her that she would never find anyone else.

Then, she proudly held up her left hand and revealed a wedding band on her ring finger to a loud ovation from the class. She told us that she had found a wonderful man with whom she was very happy, and finished by saying that verbal and emotional abuse is very real and quite painful. While the bumps and bruises of physical abuse show on a person, she told us, the emotional scars of verbal abuse are not always as noticeable.

The simple fact is that most people have suffered emotional abuse at one point or another in their [...]]]> Abuse, for a great long time, actually meant “physical abuse.” The concept of emotional abuse was one that most people didn’t understand. And that, right there, is an argument for the prevalence of emotional abuse throughout our history.

The simple fact is that most people have suffered emotional abuse at one point or another in their lives. Whether it’s from parents or siblings, teachers or fellow students, or even your kids, emotional abuse happens with startling regularity throughout the western world.

Of course, there are still disputes over what actually constitutes emotional abuse, and as of fifteen years ago no standard definition had been agreed upon. That said, there has been some remarkable progress in recent times, and clinicians generally agree on three standard forms of emotional abuse. Taken from wikipedia, they are:

Verbal aggression (e.g., “Your partner has said something to upset/annoy you”); dominant behaviors (e.g., “I have tried to prevent my partner from seeing/speaking to their family”); and jealous behaviors (e.g., “Your partner has accused you of maintaining other parallel relations”).

These are signs of a sort of psychological pathology on the part of the abuser, and if you find yourself in a situation where you’re suffering from something like the above, you need to address it. That might mean severing ties. That might mean confrontation. That might mean joint or solo sessions with a therapy. Whatever the answer, you must change the metrics of the situation because emotional abuse, while destructive in its own right, can and often does turn into physical abuse over time.

And this applies to men as well as to women. Recent studies have shown that, though men are more aggressive in general, neither gender is more or less predisposed to be emotionally abusive than the other. It varies from person to person.

Emotional abuse can have long-term consequences, including but not limited to chronic depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). To put it into context, this is very similar to the litany of psychological traumas suffered by veterans of armed conflicts.

So take the prospect of emotional abuse seriously. If someone is insulting you, humiliating you or generally making you feel “less than,” you don’t have to take it and you shouldn’t take it. Get away from the situation and the emotional abuse before it turns to physical abuse or you get hurt.